The Loop Guide to Clubbing, Drinking, plus West Essex and East London living.

‘He’s just not that into you’ Sex and the city season 6 episode 5. Readers must have assumed by now that Sex and the City is one of my favourite TV shows, mainly down to the fact that I’ve based this column on it for the last four years and of course the play on words of the title. The reason why I love Sex and the city and I think I speak for a lot of women when I say, that I can relate to it; I along with others have often sat there with a group of girlfriends while we all decided which character we are most like. Not being able to decide between Samantha, Carrie or Charlotte or sometimes a bit of all three, naturally we discard Miranda for obvious reasons, although I thought she was great in the film. With all that in mind it’s no wonder that at some point I would have wanted to address one of Candice Bushall subjects (she’s the writer) and although I am not a fan of plagiarism there is one point I would really like to discuss and that is the subject ‘he’s just not that into you’. Sometimes you need to read the signs, heed the warning and understand, while I have seen some women relentlessly chase their men and then finally getting what they want it seems to me like a long and painful process with little reward. I know a lot of girls that just ‘don’t give up’ maybe they don’t give up on a man but they themselves are giving a lot up in a way - self respect, dignity and in some cases decorum. It amazes me how much they will do to gain the love of one person, who they will upset along the way or what they will lose to get him.
You know what it’s like when you first meet someone, you go on a date and then you wait for the arrangement of the next one, as a woman we are never the ones to ask and it’s a case of waiting and sometimes that can be torture. Then after the second or even third date that’s when you know whether they’re into you or not. If you think they are then the apprehension stops it becomes a case of when you go on your 4th date not if. If you’re still apprehensive at that point then it’s the time you either give up and move on or in some cases, turn crazy and by this I mean, going everywhere they’re going to be, checking their facebook, sometimes three times a day and writing stupid things on their wall. Things like, ringing when drunk, texting not getting a reply and then texting again, forward date planning like ‘do you want to come to my sisters wedding in 2010?’ or ‘what you doing Christmas day?  All these components make up a woman that’s got it bad and a man that hasn’t got it at all and no matter how nice/sexy/funny you are, this won’t change. I suppose you’re wondering why I am touching on this point, as if almost I’m almost sharing something with you that relates to my current situation or something I’ve learned recently, listen, we’ve all been there. At 17 I loved this boy, I loved him so much that every time he spoke to me I went bright red, I would collar him to have a picture done with me at Country Club (bless Trevor) and I would follow him wherever he went. Then one day, 5 years on he asked me out and I was so excited I couldn’t eat but then my infatuation turned to boredom and the fantasy was a lot more exciting than the reality. In hindsight I have put this down to the fact that after 4 dates you can’t truly be in love with someone and the same can be said for someone you’ve been with for two years. Apparently in one of my many Psychotherapy book’s (yes wenchies, THAT book) it’s after two years that you truly whole heartedly either fall in love with someone or don’t and I have to believe that. SO with that in mind now when I think ‘they’re not that into me’ I tell myself and there’s a good chance given time that I ‘won’t be that into them’. Instead of getting lost and caught up in the whole romanticism of love you need to think more logically. For some this takes the fun out of it but I think the more you think like this the more likely it’ll be that you get swept off your feet because the way you feel will be uncontrollable. If you can control it then it’s not love, love is am emotion and not a thing. Look at it this way, you can’t force yourself to feel sad over something, it either is or it isn’t the same with something that makes you laugh, it’s an emotion and it’s the same with love, although it takes longer to grow and requires a lot more self control. Like I’ve said to my friends before love and life can be hard because we are fighting a resistance, as animals all we are suppose to really do is eat and sleep and breed but as a race we want to better ourselves and that makes life harder but well worth the effort!

So on that rather solum but insightful note! Its goodbye from Miss Essex and the City until next time…

P.S. I love my wenchies and you will too, join the wenchies fan club on Facbook and watch our videos.

P.P.S Happy Birthday to Lou! I can’t beleive we’ve been bets friends for 17 years! LOVE YOU

P.P.P.S Ash aka Shirl - Life goes on!