The Loop Guide to Clubbing, Drinking, plus West Essex and East London living.

So I am writing this from my new temp job, I am in the Canary Wharf tower on the 29th floor and I am bored There is only so many times you can check your hotmail, stare out the window or look at the galleries on the Loop. I do get to do my own thing though which is quite handy and it’s a small office so less people to pretend to like - but I hate working, especially in an office.

I know everyone moans about the journey and stuff but it’s not that. Although I am an evil traveller - I have got a big bag and I love hitting people with it and I pretend I can’t see pregnant or old people (don’t make out you don’t do the same.) I hate seeing people I know as well, it’s like dodging mines trying to avoid them, I swear I am so good at giving that ‘in a world of my own look’ when really I have spotted you! I am such a grouch in the mornings that I have even ignored family just so I can read my paper in peace. I know that I am not alone though because I get it done to me, I remember I used to meet my friend Andy in the mornings and he used to buy me a paper so I wouldn’t talk to him (see that is what I love about boy mates, no nonsense.)

You must agree, there is nothing worse than someone from school that you haven’t seen for about 4 years or someone you only speak to when you are drunk wanting to chat, the first question you ask is ‘where are you getting off’ so you know how long you have to put up with them for! There should be no talking allowed on the tube like libraries, well you do read on both don’t you? I may put it to my MP.

Believe it or not the tube is not the main thing I hate about work although it comes a close second, no the thing I hate is wearing a suit or dressing smart in general its just not me and I feel like such a geek! I live and die in jeans and for the last 5 years I have worked for Media companies where you can wear whatever you like, so to come somewhere really corporate where you have to dress like a middle aged woman is a nightmare for me. Not being able to stand it any longer on the second day of my temp job I boycotted the dress code and wore jeans and trainers, no one said a word, well apart from the receptionists that said ‘you are so lucky that you can wear jeans and trainers’ I said I am not allowed but what’s the difference I am still doing the same job and am more comfortable so actually doing it better.

Right after that little out burst I am going to now tell you about my latest night as a gate keeper although it wasn’t at Minx this time but at Bar Locks. Once again I was in charge of the guest list and worked with two wicked bouncers, they work at 195 and embarrassingly they recognised me from the night before but not because of my elegant syle and flair, no no no! No they recognised me because I was, what can only be described as ‘set apon’ by two girls the night before! Basically I was on my way to the bar when I accidently bumped into some girl, I apologised but you know when someone just makes a big deal so I just said ‘Oh do you know what, F**** off’’ and at that point this little tramp grabbed my hair! I was so embarrassed, some boy pulled her away and she was still going off on one with her silly mate so I flicked my hair back let her get on with it and strolled (not ran) off. It was so bizarre though - like a scene from footballers wives - Champagne flutes at dawn! (well mine was, I think she was drinking cider!) You won’t be seeing them in 195 again.

Anyway Bar Locks. To be honest I was a little bit worried about Bar Locks due to its location, I mean Leabridge road is not recognised as an idyllic location (although I would recommend going down there if you wish to purchase an ornate plastic shell bed with effective neon trim). Seriously though I was really surprised (it is only just the other side of the Whipps Cross roundabout, very close to The Rising Sun) On the launch night there was a really good crowd, the usual faces, the music was wicked and the decor was very trendy. All the staff where really well organised and friendly and most importantly you could dance in there!

I had a great time and I didn’t have one drink, this automatically made me designated driver though so I was happy to drop off Natalie and Laura at 195 (happy to get them out the car to be fair!) It made me realise how funny it is when you are sober and your mates are drunk, Laura kept shouting, not talking but shouting I thought she was doing it on purpose so someone could over hear but apparently wine affects her volume button! Then we had to have the same song on repeat the whole way there and they literally rolled out of the car when we pulled up! So yes after being on the wagon for one night when it came round to the following Thursday I thought I best join them!

Am going to Spain for a week to chill and tan, although have not told new job yet! Until then bye!

P.S My friend Ellie (Bum Doctor – see previous columns) is going to Thailand soon on a detox week (like the one on celebrity detox) apparently you can lose 12lbs in a week! I want a month there! Imagine a holiday where you get brown and thin! You know that’s my dream!

P.P.S There is now about 8 of us going to Ibiza with new recruits being big t*ts and Ellie! I am so excited! It is defo the place to be this year!

P.P.S I have just taken my long awaited lunch break at my new job and I have stretched out the hour - to in fact forever.. Yes that’s right I am not going back, I have discussed it with relevant people (mum, Natalie, Laura, Emma and Louise) and they have all agreed - ‘How dare they make you do any work!’ such a conscientious hard working lot!