The Loop Guide to Clubbing, Drinking, plus West Essex and East London living.

Sooo I got an email today from a lady called Tricia (a self respecting Essex girl like myself) she has requested that I address the question of etiquette and should men pay?

It got me thinking about the whole chivalry deal that lets face it is a word that is rarely used to described men nowadays…Now I don’t want to come across as anti-men (god I am the opposite) but the truth is that the only time a man will hold the door open for you nowadays is if you’ve got the money or you’re carrying his crate of Stella!

A lot of men will argue that the reason why they are acting less and less gentlemanly is, in my eyes because of two things, the first being the fact that ‘you lot kept banging on about equal rights and started throwing yourself in front of horses’ an extremely ignorant point of view but a common one and the second reason being ‘treat em’ mean keep em keen!

Right well firstly let me give you an example of my brother, now Maud (his nick name because he can sometimes act just like such an old woman!) Maud is someone who my friends call ‘ideal boyfriend’ due to the fact that not only does he clean but is an amazing chef and extremely considerate. But even he draws the line at giving his seat up for a woman on the tube, sometimes even if she’s pregnant (largely due to the fact that she might just indeed be fat and therefore would cause an embarrassing scene). He even once said to me that the reason that he doesn’t offer his seat to women when on the tube is because if we say we want to be treated as equals then so be it, no special treatment!.. It makes me mad that it’s either one way or the other; obviously as a liberated woman I want equal rights if I do the same job as a man, then I want to be paid the same, but I do know that there are differences between men and women - like most women do.

I don’t throw a paddy because I think women should be allowed to use the urinals or I don’t take offence when I am not offered a pint of Stella, and who am I to argue with the fact that men like to lift weights when in the gym and women just like to chat in the steam room!

Of course there are differences between women and men, but god that doesn’t mean that one is better than the other or that one should have more freedom and choices, this is ultimately what happened before the Suffragettes and equal opportunities… But instead of men accepting this a lot of them threw their toys out the pram and decided that if we were going to make some changes then so would they, its pathetic and its because of this that men don’t act as gentlemanly as our granddads and its sad. But as I stated before there is another reason for this and its not just due to our fight for liberation no it’s because of their own insecurities and fear of putting them on the line!

Now please bear with me as for the piece I have had to try and think like a man (so not actually thinking much at all JOKE!) but because they still live believe in the late 80’s phrase ‘treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen’ they believe that women prefer men that treat them like crap! They are scared that they are going to mug themselves off and be treated like a doormat and I although I can half understand this what I can’t get my head around is why they would think that acting like an arrogant, tight arse will actually make us like them more!

Yea girls, like a bad boy but it’s very short term, and has as much substance as a bowl of angel delight, and any man knows that the kind of girl he gets from putting up this pretence is not the girl he wants to marry and usually acts about 15 or is actually 15, so no one wins.

We like it when you are nice guys but admittedly there is a thin line and thank goodness I am here to help! Let me first tell you about me if I am with someone for ages and they do a sweet thing every now and then, then that’s lovely… when Dan and I go for lunch or breakfast he automatically puts the sauces and stuff on my plate because he knows exactly what I like and I love that… but if I went out with a new bloke and he did that or pulled my chair out for me or took my coat well I would text my friends before we’d even got our menu’s and I hate to say it but it would put me off him because its a bit cringe able.

When I was about 13 I was seeing this boy and he asked if he could kiss me, it made me cringe it took away what little coolness he had! Hello it was a nice thing to do but asking me? I felt ill! And needless to say that the day after that I dumped him (and told all his mates and mine) just because I was evil… and it creeped me out!

This wasn’t the first time, I went out with a guy just before I got with Dan and I had been on one date when he started texting me rubbish like ‘I can’t wait to hear the sound of your voice blah blah blah’ I hated it and more to the point I didn’t believe him (partly due to the fact that the nick name at my old work was face of an angel, voice of a cleaner!) But it wasn’t just that he was just a bit wet, and when I finished with him (via text) I was confronted in Faces - ‘Caroline what happened to us’ and I said ‘Well to be honest the things you said to me after such a short space of time didn’t seem genuine.’ He looked at me for a while and just as I went to walk off he grabbed my arm and said ‘No, I really am that nice a guy’ ummm right…. Thanks for that and thanks for reconfirming the fact that anyone that uses the word guy is not for me!

So in conclusion and in answer to Trisha’s question what happens when it comes to paying? Well I think men should pay to start with and before any men that read this raise their eyes, I don’t mean that because all women want a free meal and are tight. It’s just that it’s a good way for us to find out if men are, and no one wants to be with someone tight because that usually means that they are a bit mean. And yes, I do think that it’s a bit different if you’ve been with together a while, then it should be equal and as from a woman’s point of view you need to associate with the notion that what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine… Oh hold on I think I have said that wrong… what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine… oh sh*t well you know what I mean! Until next time all!

Mean or Keen do’s and don’ts

Don’t put your coat over a puddle (a piggy back is cute and cool!)
Do buy her a card as well as a present - it means more than the present!
Don’t ask her ring size on her first date!
Do buy pay for her on the first date, even if you just go for a drink!
Don’t get a tattoo of her name after two weeks!
Do make sure she gets in her house when you drop her off rather than speeding away to get home for the football highlights!
Don’t tell her its fine when she wants to snog your best friend ‘if you’re happy I am happy darling’!
Do go straight home after taking her out rather than letting her find out that you were seen ‘having it at warehouse’ after you dropped her off!
Don’t quote poetry to her on your second date!
Do remember her Birthday when she tells you the first time, as it’s guaranteed she will know yours before you’ve even told her, thus working out your star sign!

P.S how good is the apprentice on channel 2 - I love it!

P.P.S Is it me or is everyone skint at the moment? No one has got any money including me! It’s so annoying but I think it’s this weird time elf year… I am scared because it’s my birthday in 3 months and I will be 26 - now to me that seems old! 25 is still young but it all changes when you turn 26 and the sick thing is I still feel the same as when I was 21 no different.. And what’s worse is that I still act about 14! I ventured up to Sky for the first time and was impressed! It was nice to get out of the area to be honest, I was saying to my friend Natalie that everytime I go out lately there are people that I don’t want to see - do you ever get that?? It’s always a group or girls hanging round the entrance of the toilets whispering about you, but you have to rise above it because if there’s one of you and three of them and you are their topic of conversation then flattery is the only way to think of it.