The Loop Guide to Clubbing, Drinking, plus West Essex and East London living.

Roses are red violets are blue… it’s been valentines - now anyone will do! Lets face it no one wants to be alone around valentines day.. and you have to admit there is pressure to ‘for you and your man prove yourself (even though it is so blatantly a day made for women!) but for all those people out there who are single or have just got let down boyfriends or girlfriends then don’t you worry! there was a saving grace; Valentines Day was on a Monday, yep that’s right, a boring Monday! Not an annoying Friday where everyone at work keeps asking you ‘what you doing tonight’ or a depressing ‘single’ Saturday where the thought of watching stars in their eyes followed by who wants to be a pissing millionaire makes you want to kill yourself! No instead as luck would have it was a boring, may as well be a right off rubbish Monday! It came and went as quick as the ‘clog’ faze of the early 90’s! No one even noticed did they… so the pressure is off phew!!

Its funny isn’t it… I am a romantic at heart but you do get bitter in your old age! And without sounding like one of those people that don’t celebrate Christmas or insist their children call them by their first name! (They are so annoying!) , I hate the fact that we have to celebrate Valentines Day, I think it’s good if you choose that day to let a certain someone know that you like them, but the tradition is you don’t even put who it’s from, just a question mark, I mean what is the point of that! When I was younger at school we used to have a post box in reception where you could send someone in the school that you loved a card… hello how evil is that! How nasty… lets face it there has to be at least half the people in the school that didn’t get one… and those that did where either popular already or they were sent one for a joke! ha ha I sent loads! I remember telling the boys in my class that they had better send me one or I would hit them! I was evil!

It’s funny because I was talking to one of my friends, we were in the Hollybush and anyone that grew up in loughton will know that you go in there, you are guaranteed to see someone from school! And no matter how polite you are to each other you know that you are only conversing out of politeness and the bottom line is you still don’t really like her and she still hates you and you know why? School status still stands! It does not matter in the slightest if the dweebiest girl in the school walks into that pub looking like Jennifer Lopez and with a Jude Law look alike on her arm she will always rank the same within the school status code of conduct.. and although for a minute you might envy her new make over and hunky beau it only takes 30 seconds to remember the day she fell off her chair in the dinner hall and the fact that her man is from ‘out of town’ for things to return to normality and people like me feel safe again, because lets face it for some of us who haven’t done particularly well in life - school status is all we have!

It makes me laugh that nearly 10 years on and we still judge people for this. I was talking to my friend Andy about it over lunch the other day and he came up with an interesting point, he said that he is always wary of someone he didn’t know in school but is suddenly mates with now, you know someone that suddenly comes on the scene as almost from nowhere and you are all friendly bob until you find out that they went to your school but you never knew them and then things change, I know what he means, I have a couple of people I know like that now, its like they have got one big major plan, they have held that grudge for the last 10 years after you pushed in front of them in the dinner hall or took the p out of the way they smoked! It’s just a theory I have and would like to share, always keep one eye open!

eriously I am not as shallow as I look, seem and act and I was never a bully. I was to wrapped up in boys! Literally!

Talking of boys… and I mean that in the skinny spotty sense… what the hell is going on with Kate moss and Pete Docherty he is so ming, have you see his teeth? he looks like he doesn’t have a home and apparently he was a burglar why would she want to go out with him and more to the point he looks about 14! Mind you I can talk, I threw a surprise party for Dan’s birthday (which might I add was THE most stressful thing ever!) anyway when I bought the party poppers the lady at the till said ‘you do know you have to be 16 to buy them’ I said hello I am 25, I loved it! And with this is mind when I went to the British Queen on Friday (DJ smarty is still floating around, I swear he is there just to remind you of your younger days and I don’t mean that in a good way) but anyway I thought the bouncer had stopped me for I.D and I was like ‘oh not again.. I get this all the time… it happened to me the other day, when buying party poppers’ and the bouncer just looked at me and said ‘err I was talking to your friend’! ha ha I ran off to hide!

But after a few drinks I soon got over it and I must say the British Queen was booming we were dancing and everything, I came out of there feeling more than merry and without wanting the night to end I tracked down Dan, who was at a party in the flat opposite (don’t ask) so I went there and much to everyone’s dismay, including the neighbours carried on dancing and woke up with a bruise on my eye and my elbow and many other UPI’S (Unidentified pissed injury’s)!

So that’s about it really, January has been a bit boring for me, I just haven’t felt like partying it has just felt like one big f ing Monday but anyway its done now over and we can look forward to spring.. start booking holidays it’s the only way forward, then you have something to look forward to and you can start picking out your summer style as we speak.. will it be Marbella or Ibiza? We are going to Ibiza and I know I brought it up before but I am so excited! I would love to DJ out there.. I am going to try and get a job as a DJ..

P.S Make this year girl power year.. I have decided girl power is cool again and if your man is unreliable then the only advice is to play them at their own game, I promise you it will work...and they won’t even fall for it, out smarting them is not only the way forward but also V easy to do!

P.P.S I am loving desperate housewives but… has Terri Hatcher had a face lift?? Once we found out what’s under the pool - then what and how you know the voice over woman? She as the one that killed herself because of her big dirty secret didn’t she? Well I know why! she happened to stumble across a recording of her voice and she couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she sounds like a cross between someone who works on a sex line and a female Lloyd Grossman! (next time listen and see)

See you in a couple of weeks!