The Loop Guide to Clubbing, Drinking, plus West Essex and East London living.

Is it me or are men turning into women? The other night in Nu bar there was a boy in there with shoulder length hair (that had been straightened) and an Alice in wonderland style headband? I mean what is that about? It was bad enough that from the back he looked like a girl but from the front he looked like a pre op transsexual and not a very attractive one. Ok so if he was a pre op transsexual I wouldn’t be taking the mick (well not as bad anyway) but not he was a ‘normal’ West Essexer.

It seems that slowly but surely the men in this area are doing more preening, straightening, plucking and waxing than the whole of girls allowed put together and I for one am not happy.
Like most women I take pride in my appearance there are some occasions (every week in fact) when I will jump in my car with my ‘Saturday morning hung over, picking up breakfast attire’ which consist of pyjamas and sports wear and some very battered Birkenstocks. There are times when I don’t wear a scrap of make up and my roots are so bad I am at the stage of trying on hats and considering head scarves. So with that in mind why the hell would I want to go with someone who makes me feel inadequately dressed all the time and even puts the rubbish out with perfect hair? Where have all the real men gone? Ok so general hygiene is a MUST but I know men that go to salons and get their eyebrows done and their hair coloured and cut every week! No thank you, in my eyes you should have more important things to worry about like working to provide (for me) in a physical or mentally challenging job so when you get home we have lots to talk about and I can look at you with respect. The thing is a man getting more feminine actually turns us off, men take note! Ok there are many celeb men that we liked when we’re 16 like Leonardo Di Caprio and Corey Haim but as you get a bit older and you want a big strong protective man to wrap his arms around you so you feel protected. Not a smooth skinned tanorexic who is worried about breaking a nail. I have been wanting to write about this for ages but needed to collect a bit more evidence and now I have. Most of my friends feel the same and I have been very observant over the last few weeks and this is what I have come up with.
I was trying to work out the reasons behind it and I honestly think that the more women take control the more men are sitting back and saying ‘ok lets swap’. I mean they are taking time out to make themselves look ‘pretty’ for heavens sake, what is that about? These days women work just as hard as men and are every inch the provider in the family and also within the couples unit. Which is great but the backlash of this is that men (armed with mentality of the ‘woman at home’ which was abandoned with Reebok Classics) have decided they want a slice. They are confident now that they can count on us both financially and for emotional security that their quite happy relaxing into their new less powerful roles. It’s almost as if subconsciously they are turning the tables and saying ‘you wanted equal rights now you’ve got them but we want them too!’.

I know how this sounds and there is no one more grateful than me for what the suffragettes did Germaine Grere, Anne Widocome and other feminists of our time have some valid points BUT I think its come back to haunt us and we only have ourselves to blame! Now it seems there is a choice between pretty boy lemon or totally male chauvinists white van man, ok so I am generalising but I don’t care, I have got no reason to be diplomatic – I don’t care if either category hates me!
Ok so once again I have got mega deep and slightly political but as you get older fewer things get to you, and when they do you have to let rip and lately the boys of Essex are making the boy bands on the nineties look more manly and Mark Owen looked like a 12 year old girl so that’s saying something!
So with that in mind and if any of you pretty boys are reading this, stop the eyebrow shaping, the manicures and the several trips to the hairdressers and you might get a girlfriend who doesn’t want to share your beauty products. Instead you will meet girls that are more interested in surrender to your manly ways and letting you have a bit more of that control that makes you feel a bit more masculine….. Shit I am going to get so many repercussion from this, please don’t hit me with your GHD’s!!!!

P.S Love to all my wenchys..

P.P.S Get Jen out of Big Brother, whats with all the crying over a shite painting.. I have never wanted to be in Big Brother as much as I do this year. If I went in and was still in after throwing a shoe at Alex then I would have got that poor excuse for a painting and made a hole, which I would put my face through and wear it for the rest of the show.....