The Loop Guide to Clubbing, Drinking, plus West Essex and East London living.

So the adventure begins for the ‘detox eight’, formal known as party animals, Caroline, Sophie, Lucie, Ellie, Natalie, Zoe, Lu Lu & Dan (Ellies boyfriend)! Our mission? To be thin & brown & altogether more healthy! Realistically (and this is no exaggeration) the last time my body was completely sober, cellulite free and had enough energy to walk up more than one flight of stairs was probably when I was about 9. I can’t remember a time in the last 10 years when I didn’t feel tired and sluggish unless I was exercising regularly and watching everything I ate. Its fair to say that I (and the rest of the girls including Dan) like a good drink, we are regular restaurant frequenters and the only exercise we tend to do is dancing in 195! In need of a detox? I think so!
Ok so going to Thailand to for just a week in order to have two colonics a day, be up at 7am (I wasn’t aware there was an AM) & replace food with which can only be described as a clay milkshake. To others this may have seemed a bit crazy, however when you have as much self control as the detox 8, then it requires something this drastic! Plus Ellie & Dan have done this three times before and assured us we would love it! Although this is coming from a couple who once told me when we were in Marbella that she was on a million pound boat in the port and to meet her there. As we walked up the gangway my phone rang, it was Ellie, ‘ha ha not really’ she was watching and laughing at the opposite restaurant, we were nearly inside the boat with a French couple we didn’t know. So, was ‘trusting’ Ellie’s word one to take seriously? To late to turn back now!
The first few weeks prior to going I was a little bit apprehensive, funnily enough not about the not eating party, it was more to do with the colonics twice a day. For those of you who don’t know what a colonic is please read EATC 3 for the review on my first ever one. Briefly though, it’s basically when a small tube is inserted up your bum & water goes in & out in order to flush out your stomach and cleanout all the left over waste that hasn’t been digested. Some people have said they haven’t eaten red meat for years but it’s come out in a colonic. It really helps with digestive problems, it helps relieve bloating and best of all it gives you a flat tummy! So that’s a brief explanation of colonic, relieving and slightly satisfying. Ok so that I can handle once every few months but twice a day? After not eating all day every day, what the hell is suppose to come out!
Putting that to the back on my mind I was feeling pretty confident & although my intention was to be v thin & v brown (my dream see EATC 1) I was hoping to come away with something in the way of an inner strength! (Ooh look at me getting deep!), something I have been lacking lately.

Arriving at Heathrow you would have thought that the detox eight were never going to see food or drink again! We stuffed & stuffed & stuffed we had the fortune of getting in the first class lounge where everything was free! At one point I had three mini muffins in my mouth, ok they were mini but three at one time is just greedy! Cheese & biscuits, bagels, crisps, twiglets and once on the plane the stuffing didn’t stop there, if the air hostess would have bought up an old leather shoe I think I would have even eaten it! I think it was because of the thought of not eating for 7 days made us panic, and panic can make you do very gluttonous things, like ask for seconds of plane food when the first tastes like rubber to start with! I had a realization on the flight whilst demolishing my 3rd bag of twiglet, ‘in 13 hours we won’t be eating for a whole week’!!. It was then I started to worry about the hunger bit, WE MUST BE CRAZY!
Arriving at Bangkok where the stuffing continued and although it was 7.30am we felt we needed at least one Thai curry, well when in Rome is what I say and we weren’t sure if we would even get a chance to sample Thailand’s delicacies! We were behaving a bit like squirrels storing their food in their cheeks for the winter, sort of the same, although we weren’t storing, we were swallowin and getting it then planning to get it sucked out twice a day for a week! Once again, WE MUST BE CRAZY!

So at Bangkok airport we then get a connecting flight to Koh Samui & the plane (which looked like the propeller’s had been weaved by the people on shipwrecked!) was slight scary and I am not a nervous flyer but even I was hoping to get there in one piece!
Anyway we did and once we touched down into Samoui airport, which can be described only as a hut we got in our car that was to take us to Koh Samui resort, it was then that I was getting excited!
The bumpy drive through the jungle brought us to a stunning resort, with its own private beach, wooden beach houses and our own private pool, it was perfect. Our rooms where lovely modern we had air con, TV and even a computer (FACEBOOK!).
We arrived at the resort quite late so decided to start the detox first thing in the morning and instead enjoy our last supper, I am surprised we could stuff anymore in to be honest but we managed! We then were to meet our mentors and advisors for the first time, these where the people who would be guiding us through our detox mission or as we expected, the sadists!
Introducing…. Sentha and Frank or as we aptly named them ‘a picture of health one & two’. Why I hear you ask, well that’s what you thought of them the minute you met them they both looked about 20 years younger than they looked (Soph did the right thing and found out how old they were). They both had glowing skin and bright eyes and just generally glowing. Ok so they’d lived in Thailand for five years and probably detox every few months, plus I doubt they burn the candle as much as the detox 8 do. However they said that we too by the end of the week would feel and look just as fantastic! Now we were getting eager!
We went through everything we’d be doing and were shown how to make the ‘clay shakes’ this would not only fill us up (remember no food!) but it would also cleanse our insides and scrape out any rubbish… how charming! We also had to take 6 tablets every few hours, they were herbal so nothing to worry about but also used for de clogging the rubbish in our systems and no they weren’t speed! We were told that when we weren’t drinking clay or swallowing more tablets than boots we would be doing things like yoga and meditation, both of which I really like. This is going to be good I thought and after the chat with our advisors we all felt really positives bring on day one, I mean how hard can drinking clay, mixed with what looked like dry porridge with apple juice be 5 times a day?

Day 1

First drink of the day, wasn’t that bad, tasteless really apart from the juice a bit lumpy though, grainy a bit like a mixture of cold porridge and sand. It did fill me up all day and I can’t believe I’ve done a whole day of not eating; usually it’s a struggle for me to refuse my 7th biscuit! Did yoga for the first time and really enjoyed it we only got the giggles a couple of times ha ha! We were then surprised to hear that we were allowed one vegetable broth a day, after yoga. Its basically vegetable water with a bit of spice and it was really, really nice. We were also allowed coconut water, which I have when I go to Portobello Road, its lovely! Took the tablets for the first time too, they were ok they were capsules so easier to swallow than tablets. Had my first massage, it was amazing and cost about £4, so cheap! Tonight we were shown how to do the colonics on ourselves! Err hello! I thought we would have a highly trained colonier to help! There was a board put in our bathroom and ‘picture of health one & two’ went through what we had to do. It was ok actually… very productive..Ahem. It was the thing I was worried about so am pleased I am ok with it!

Day 2

7am wake up call, managed all five drinks and all tabs. Sentha upped the yoga this morning, so it ended up being a really good workout. Went exploring where we saw the first of many yaks and were nearly chased by two dogs… Should never have gone off the beaten track! Found a 5 star hotel with amazing treatments, still does not appeal to us, we are here to detox! Also just one bit of toast would be nice I think but the thought soon passes. Had two colonics today (woo hardcore) and I already feel like I’ve lost weight….Everyone weighs themselves but me, my theory is unless the scales come up 7 stone then I will never be happy so what’s the point of depressing myself on the scales! We also went to Natong market and got a few bags and sunglasses, everything is soo cheap, Natong is like the capital of Koh Samoui, it was nice but sooo much tempting food about! We were all in bed by 8, ha ha how sad are we!

Day 3

Feel really tired today, had a few weird dreams last night, apparently that’s quite normal. Morning shake was a bit of a struggle for all of us but the day did get better. Sophie had a treatment with Centar to help with her asthma, it was called ‘crano sacral therapy’ she said she didn’t feel a lot different afterwards but apparently she will see the effects tomorrow. Two colonics again, this time one with coffee in the water apparently it’s good for you. We went to fisherman’s village today, another sort of market town. It was ok but again so many restaurants and food stalls, I felt a bit weak and spaced out because I hadn’t had my shake – you need to drink those shakes!

Day 4

My shake did not go down well this morning but the girls got me through it, they are all so encouraging and it really helps, for all of us. Plus as we are up so early we went to see the waterfall and feed the elephants it was beautiful! Back at the resort I had bought one of my bikinis out here that I looked rough in and I put it on and my muffin top had disappeared, I couldn’t believe it! Plus Sophie had lost 5 pounds! This was just the incentive we needed to get through this day. Plus Sophie’s breathing in her sleep was so much better after the crano therapy and she hadn’t even used her pump this morning! We are now all trying to think of things wrong with us so we can have it! I whack Ellie on the head but it actually makes her better rather than ill. Had a lovely coffee salt scrub on the beach, my skin felt amazing! Sophie and I had one together and were given some very attractive ‘natural’ coloured knickers to wear… if anyone was that colour naturally I would say they had jaundice! Am so over food, but still feel a bit weak. Sentha took my pulse and said my body is exhausted, which is true been worrying a lot about job, family and boyf, its making me tired. Things need to change when I get home!

Day 5

I am trying not to even think about my next clay shake, they are starting to get so ming now. The only incentive is that tomorrow is the last day! I can’t believe I haven’t eaten for 6 days, my tummy is soo flat, I have (as have the other girls) lost weight of my arms, legs, face… well everywhere! I now wished I had weighed myself!
We all watched the sunset tonight it was beautiful, we all feel and look amazing! Took loads of pics on the beach. Early night tonight, for tomorrow evening we get to eat! Ok only raw veg but believe you me I would eat out of a bin right now if I had to! Its not that I am hungry, the drinks fill you up, it’s just that I miss the taste of everything! Apparently though after this you are supposed to be able to taste like you’ve never tasted before! Bring it on!

Day 6

The first meal in 6 days….Ok so it was only fruit but it tasted like the most amazing dish you could imagine! Today was hard, the drinks weren’t going down well at all and I maybe because I could see the end in sight, sometimes that makes things harder. Everyone weighed themselves again and we all (even though I didn’t weigh myself) have lost a stone in five days! Can you believe it and not only that, we are also brown and feeling wonderful!
At our final meeting we were given a list of other foods that we could eat to break the fast, it’s mainly salad, fruit and veg but that’s fine with me as long as its food!
Going home tomorrow and I really really don’t want to as we’ve had such a brilliant time and if I was to sum up this holiday in three words it would be, amazing, challenging and hilarious! I am definitely coming back next year!

In conclusion my detox experience in Thailand was amazing and for us it’s the start of an altogether healthier life, once you’ve felt like we have there is no going back to feeling like we did. People thought us girls (and Dan) were crazy doing something like this and back then I understood, but now, now we look and feel amazing both mentally and physically. We challenged ourselves to the max and we did it, we encouraged each other and kept the prize in sight, looking and feeling amazing. Yes, we were hungry at times but what tends to keep you going is the thought of how satisfied you will feel after that first meal, that and the fact that if you’d gone with seven amazing people like I did, you would have no problem getting through it too. This detox isn’t for everyone, some people don’t have the strength of the detox eight, we are POWER but if you do then please try it you won’t believe how brilliant you feel!

Well done girls (and Danny) I am so proud of us all!

New You Spa Samui..
Call 06 2837379
Or email for more info,

Prices vary depending on what time you go;

We paid: A week and the Koh Samui resort £120.00 for the week.
The weeks detox programme £260 for the week.
Flights, £640 plus £140 for connecting flight to koh samui return.